4 more weeks

Boy! It's already 36 Week 2 Days! That means, it's only 4 weeks before I deliver; before I go into labour, baby Priscilla comes! That is if baby comes out on Week 40. If she comes out earlier, then it'll be less than FOUR weeks! 

How....what does this mean..... it feels scary and nervous too! I don't know how the labour will be like. I wonder how the pain would be and how I would cope with it. Before that, I wonder how the signs will show: will my mucus plug come out all at one go? when? will my water bag burst? where will I be? at home? outside? will Chris be contactable when the time comes?

I do feel quite nervous. In the FB group, there are several mothers who have delivered already and share the baby photo and their delivery experience. Some went through c-section, some delivered naturally. Some told stories of pain relief and some told stories of how the pain would be like. As I read through, it certainly gives me much information that reflects a piece of the puzzle. I wonder what my story would be like. It tells me that I would be going through this one day, ONE DAY. It's inevitable, cannot escape, it will come. I wonder what it would be like.

I love today's reading on the "Praying Through Your Pregnancy" book! It talks about having a spiritual encounter with God. As each contraction comes, the lady was lifted into God's presence. I want that too! I have told God since weeks ago that I want to experience Him in this labour. I want to experience His strength, His presence, His power, His mystery during my labour. That's why I chose no epidural. More importantly, I want to rely on God in this delivery. I prayed again and again. And I want to pray everyday for this prayer request now.

Nonetheless, I am also mentally preparing myself for c-section. I know it's possible and complications can occur which warrants that. So I don't want to dismiss that option. Also, the baby's weight is currently not ideal so I don't know what the doctor would suggest at my next check-up: induction? c-section? In any case, I know that it is part of God's plan.

God's plan.

On hindsight

With all the happenings recently, I begin to see God's hand in the situation and am grateful for it. Here are a list of things I don't see except on hindsight:

1. Shifting to Casa Rosa. Although the shift was rushed and unexpectedly early, but I don't need to climb up and down the stairs anymore. It would certainly create more harm since the baby is low now and not ideal. This, I can only see on hindsight
2. Hospitalisation leave. I have always wanted long leave and though the hospitalisation leave was unexpected and sudden, it had given me 5 weeks of leave. Though I spent 3 weeks working from home, but the remaining 2 weeks was spent more leisurely and I can read more and pray more and sleep in more. I can wake up later and rest in the afternoon as well. I experience less stress, more freedom and can put on weight more easily. I can read more to baby too.

I fell sick twice with flu, cough and sore throat and having this hospitalisation leave covered the rest I needed to recover.

My feet has also swelled badly and I can hardly fit into any of my shoes. I bought a pair of slippers but I'm starting to outgrow that too. So I'm thankful I'm asked to stay home so I don't need to buy a suitable pair of shoes and walk around like a penguin.

I also can't fit my bras nowadays. The cup size doesn't seem to fit. But being home, I don't need to wear my bra and feel more at ease and free. It feels good.

Finally, I did a quick count and I would be having 6 months of leave! 5 weeks of hospitalisation leave, 3 weeks of outpatient leave/MC (intend to) and 4 months of maternity leave! That makes 6 months! Not including the 8 days of Annual Leave that I need to complete this year + 6 days of Childcare Leave! Cool! It is unexpected. 6 months of leave out of my 2-year contract! Plus it's paid leave. In all honesty, it feels quite weird to be paid but not doing work. I don't see the logic in it though. If you talk about normal leave or MC, I understand. But for hospitalisation leave when I'm not injured or in the hospital but just ordered bed rest, I wonder how this is justified. Hmm. In any case, I thank God for the financial providence.

My swollen feet:

UPDATE: 

3. I had just closed my accounts for Aug and realised that God provided for me financially too! As I was on hospitalisation leave, I spent very little on food. God must have known I needed the money to pay some baby items and so, everything that was meant to be spent on food went to the baby items and there was enough! Wow! Thank God!

4. By God's grace, there was a big promotion going on between Grab and Uber during this period of time! They were running promotions like they were rivals to promote the carpooling system. Grab was offering $2 rides to any where any time. Uber was offering $5 rides, limited to 1 ride, from a certain time to certain time. It was quite shiok cos I could take a $5 ride back home instead of the usual $17! Plus, I was still on hospitalisation leave and not supposed to be travelling. But cos I needed to go to some place or just go out on Friday night to get a breather, I would make use of this taxi promotion. It's great! Thank God! :)

One day closer

Found this beautiful picture

I haven't been through many pregnancy but the last phrase speaks to me. As what my mum says, "When you look at the delivery suite, you must think that you are going to see your baby soon; how can you be scared?"

Nonetheless, I'm still feeling scared and I hope to break the fear-tension-pain cycle soon!