I'm Pregnant Again

After 4 months of trying, we managed to conceive! But the way we try to conceive could have been better. First month was based on experience & guessing when is the right time. Second time was bad cos I used the ovulation kits that Le Jing passed to me but I keep thinking that it doesn't work cos it keeps showing negative. The third time I used the app but the window period reflected was inaccurate. The final time was using both the app and a better set of ovulation kit and finally the kit shows positive (a smiley face! It was the BEST smiley face I see!) and had sex for two nights and ta-da! Ovulation kit really works! Haha.

At least this was planned and doesn't come as a shock. But the pregnancy test kit took quite long to show up. I kept testing and testing: 10DPO, 15DPO, until about 17 or 20DPO, then it shows up. It was such a long wait and such a trying time. It was really a time of patience and questioning.

Le Jing and I were in touch during this trying period and we were also trying together. We were updating each other whenever we did our pregnancy test and on our first day of the supposed period. She got the good news first. I was sooo happy and excited when I heard it that I called her at 11pm to share in her excitement and ask her to tell me how she discovered it! And also to give her some things to look out for. Honestly, I was a bit jealous when I heard it because I was still trying. Alas, God's will, her baby didn't survive. There was no heartbeat and the body naturally miscarried. When we were still waiting and seeing if it was really true, I knew that my revelation would come any time soon. Thank God we had an open conversation and I asked if I should still tell her upon first instance or wait until some time later then tell her about it. She allowed me to tell her from the onset and said that God will see her through. Well, true enough, I conceived after her miscarriage was confirmed. Glad she shared in my joy via messages. My good news came 2 weeks after hers. Well, I'll be seeing her next week and hope things are better with her.

This pregnancy is quite different. There are lots of discomfort. Once again, my morning sickness didn't last long. Thank God. It was mainly till Week 12-14. After that, it was fine. I started on chicken essence early and the baby is growing well at good weight and size thus far. I tried to psycho myself to get back the normal appetite at Week 20 now. Still going good. Looking forward to my bigger appetite after Week 24.

However, I have nasal congestion! Very bad nose block! At first it was from Priscilla. But I realised I never really recovered. Then I found out it's a pregnancy thing ): Boo hoo! Then...I have dry lips! I thought it was a reaction from the mask that I wore but it never goes away too! Read up this morning and found out that it's part of pregnancy too! I wonder what else is coming. Thank God that the nose block now mainly happens at night and early morning but clears up in the day time. But I still get phlegm in my throat. My lips is just really bad. Hoping to find a good lip balm that can help and I certainly hope it's not ezcema!

If I'm having such a different pregnancy experience, I wonder what will come of labour. Will it be more painful? Will it be more unbearable? Will I have to use epidural? I wonder what will happen and I hope God will see me through!

Priscilla is here!

Baby girl born on 12 sept at Mount A. 38w+2. 2310g. Natural, no epi

Birth story:

- 5am feels like stomachache kinda pain. Thought it's hunger pains and woke up to eat biscuits

- after eating, couldn't go back to sleep so started timing each "hardening" and "stomachache"

- 6am: vaginal bleeding of fresh red blood like starting of period

- called the delivery suite at Mt A after an advice frm a mummy here (thank you!)

- told to come in since contractions are 5-7 mins apart

- 8am: went to the delivery suite and they check baby on the ctg monitor

-830am: did a dilation check and found out I was already 5cm dilated. Was told that I'll deliver in 2 hrs

- 1030am: still no labour but contractions come on and off; bearable 

- 11am: doc came in and told me that the blood test revealed that my platelet count is dropping and I have preeclampsia. Baby heartbeat pattern was also not ideal. So asked me to push hard and fast. Doc burst my waterbag and left the room for another patient

- Started pushing with each contraction upon the nurses assistance but I was scared to do so. Didn't push as hard as I could hv done so. I kept saying I want to pass motion and feel a lot of heat coming out (was told it's the water bag). Felt like crying and was given oxygen mask

- 1110am: doc came back and gave me local anesthesia (injection kind). She started giving me perineal massage (which she did it with a lot of strength). Then I pushed harder

- 1124am: baby was delivered! Doc told me if I do delayed clamping, I cannot donate to cord bank, and asked me to decide on the spot. I chose the former. Did skin to skin but the placenta took like forever to come out cos the cord was not cut

- finally when the cord was cut, the placenta came out and the stitching began

- had to use laughing gas for the stitching cos I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't like what I was feeling

End of delivery. Stayed at St Raphael's Ward, Room 361; big room and toilet. Minimum noise

Week 38

TWO more weeks now!

Week of 38 and Week of 39.

Fullstop.

Nowadays, I get a bit scared going to sleep at night, especially without Chris. I'm afraid labour will come at night. Not that it's any worse than coming in the daytime. But I'm just scared. Really scared.

Our thoughts of this entire pregnancy journey

Before the journey ends, I thought I should have a post on our thoughts on the journey. I asked Chris recently about it and here was his reply:

He said he felt more pressure and felt that everything came at one go. He wished he could settle things one at a time; first the job then the baby, then the house etc. So to him, it feels like everything came altogether. Doesn't sound too positive ):

This is my thoughts:

It has been quite a journey with these keywords: acceptance, overwhelmed, numb preparation, jitters, hindsight gratefulness

Acceptance. Because the pregnancy came at a time when I wanted to leave my job, it's really hard to accept this reality. I even thought I wouldn't be able to carry the baby through my work due to my work nature. I wasn't liking the pace, the heavy job scope and the language used. I had in mind an ideal situation where I would relax at home, read books, listen to music, cultivate a suitable environment for my foetus to grow and develop holistically; not in a working environment with much negativity in me. So, it took me much prayers and lamentation before I accept this news.

Overwhelmed. As I entered the journey, I realised it is sooooo different from that of planning a wedding! In planning a wedding, there are so many tips and advice, and there's a standard template or guide or flow that you can follow. But not so for a pregnancy journey. Information was all over the place and I can't seem to get a good guide on Step 1, do this, Step 2, do this. Or, at xx month, do this, at xx month, do that. I was overwhelmed by the vast amount of information that is available and need to absorb but can't. Things like what you can eat and can't eat (I can't take raw food, soft-boiled eggs, coffee, tea, soft-serve ice cream...sobs), what you can and cannot do etc, things to buy etc. And this leads me to my 3rd keyword...

Numb preparation. I added a word "numb" to describe the preparation because it feels like I'm just going through the motion.
Antenatal package, checked.
Supplements, checked.
Antenatal class, checked.
Post-natal massage lady, checked.
Confinement lady, checked.
Clothes, checked.
Shampoo and soap, checked.
Car seat, checked.
Cot, checked.
It just goes on and on, and it's like checking off a checklist rather than being excited and all coo-ey about each item. I was trying to get the best deals, second-hand deals, and trying to manage the expenses. It feels so task-oriented ):

Jitters. It comes at different stages. Because of the FB group I'm in, and each person's experience is different, I hear lots of stories. First, it was miscarriages. Then it was fibroids. Now, it's induction birth and various birth stories. Hearing the different stories make me scared that it would happen to me too. That's when the jitters come in. Thank God that I didn't have a miscarriage, I didn't have fibroids and the doctor has not suggested induction.

Hindsight gratefulness. As was written in my previous post, the thing I am most thankful for was the hospitalisation leave which gave me 2 months of no-work prior to the maternity leave. I believe that this is God answering my prayer, in a way, of having that bit of ideal, quiet, peaceful and spiritual preparation for baby. I thank God for that. Thank God for Le Jing that came my way again and had agreed to be my prayer partner through my labour. This is probably the most positive keyword to describe my journey. I hope to keep the positivity there even though the start had been rough.

Now, as I rub my tummy, I know that baby is safe and comfortable inside. She has been nice, not kicking me at night. Not sure if it's cos she's small, that's why I can't feel much. But I love her and want to love her and will do anything I can now to nurture her.

I pray for a positive and spiritual encounter with God during my labour itself.

My daily schedule

I wanted to write down my typical daily schedule nowadays:

8.30-9am: Wake up, tell Chris about my dream, say bye bye to him

9-10am: Wash-up & breakfast

10-11am: Quiet time + reading of a Bible passage to baby + reading a Christian book (my favourite time of the day)

11am-1pm: Swim / Nap / Play HP game / Access work email / Get on with my to-do list which can include accounts, reading of baby magazines etc

1-2.30pm: Lunch with either a TV programme (羋月传, Legend of Mi Yue) or a storybook (it feels good reading a book again!)

2.30-4pm: Nap (can't seem to fight off the z-monster every time)

4-4.30pm: Try to get up

4.30-7pm: Drink essence, take supplement, continue reading the Christian book, continue with my to-do list

7-8.30pm: Dinner

Night: Couple time with Chris

Ohhh...I'm so loving this schedule and relaxed time! 

Thank God!

Any time now

It's pretty scary thinking it's anytime now. It's like I can feel the contractions can come any time now. Unknown. No heads up. And I need to observe from then on. 

As I rubbed my tummy, it's a surreal feeling that something, someone, is inside of me, and it's coming out soon. It feels just like yesterday that I was a little girl with all my quirky, naughty, mischievous ways. It feels like yesterday that I had a flat tummy. I never thought I would be able to carry this baby this far. I thought I wouldn't reach this far. I can't believe I'm entering a next stage of life and I will be taking on a new role.

It feels like any time now, I would be in labour, delivering. And I don't know how my delivery will be like. It feels scary and unknown.

Any time now. Even as I feel my tummy hardening.

4 more weeks

Boy! It's already 36 Week 2 Days! That means, it's only 4 weeks before I deliver; before I go into labour, baby Priscilla comes! That is if baby comes out on Week 40. If she comes out earlier, then it'll be less than FOUR weeks! 

How....what does this mean..... it feels scary and nervous too! I don't know how the labour will be like. I wonder how the pain would be and how I would cope with it. Before that, I wonder how the signs will show: will my mucus plug come out all at one go? when? will my water bag burst? where will I be? at home? outside? will Chris be contactable when the time comes?

I do feel quite nervous. In the FB group, there are several mothers who have delivered already and share the baby photo and their delivery experience. Some went through c-section, some delivered naturally. Some told stories of pain relief and some told stories of how the pain would be like. As I read through, it certainly gives me much information that reflects a piece of the puzzle. I wonder what my story would be like. It tells me that I would be going through this one day, ONE DAY. It's inevitable, cannot escape, it will come. I wonder what it would be like.

I love today's reading on the "Praying Through Your Pregnancy" book! It talks about having a spiritual encounter with God. As each contraction comes, the lady was lifted into God's presence. I want that too! I have told God since weeks ago that I want to experience Him in this labour. I want to experience His strength, His presence, His power, His mystery during my labour. That's why I chose no epidural. More importantly, I want to rely on God in this delivery. I prayed again and again. And I want to pray everyday for this prayer request now.

Nonetheless, I am also mentally preparing myself for c-section. I know it's possible and complications can occur which warrants that. So I don't want to dismiss that option. Also, the baby's weight is currently not ideal so I don't know what the doctor would suggest at my next check-up: induction? c-section? In any case, I know that it is part of God's plan.

God's plan.