Priscilla is here!

Baby girl born on 12 sept at Mount A. 38w+2. 2310g. Natural, no epi

Birth story:

- 5am feels like stomachache kinda pain. Thought it's hunger pains and woke up to eat biscuits

- after eating, couldn't go back to sleep so started timing each "hardening" and "stomachache"

- 6am: vaginal bleeding of fresh red blood like starting of period

- called the delivery suite at Mt A after an advice frm a mummy here (thank you!)

- told to come in since contractions are 5-7 mins apart

- 8am: went to the delivery suite and they check baby on the ctg monitor

-830am: did a dilation check and found out I was already 5cm dilated. Was told that I'll deliver in 2 hrs

- 1030am: still no labour but contractions come on and off; bearable 

- 11am: doc came in and told me that the blood test revealed that my platelet count is dropping and I have preeclampsia. Baby heartbeat pattern was also not ideal. So asked me to push hard and fast. Doc burst my waterbag and left the room for another patient

- Started pushing with each contraction upon the nurses assistance but I was scared to do so. Didn't push as hard as I could hv done so. I kept saying I want to pass motion and feel a lot of heat coming out (was told it's the water bag). Felt like crying and was given oxygen mask

- 1110am: doc came back and gave me local anesthesia (injection kind). She started giving me perineal massage (which she did it with a lot of strength). Then I pushed harder

- 1124am: baby was delivered! Doc told me if I do delayed clamping, I cannot donate to cord bank, and asked me to decide on the spot. I chose the former. Did skin to skin but the placenta took like forever to come out cos the cord was not cut

- finally when the cord was cut, the placenta came out and the stitching began

- had to use laughing gas for the stitching cos I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't like what I was feeling

End of delivery. Stayed at St Raphael's Ward, Room 361; big room and toilet. Minimum noise

Week 38

TWO more weeks now!

Week of 38 and Week of 39.

Fullstop.

Nowadays, I get a bit scared going to sleep at night, especially without Chris. I'm afraid labour will come at night. Not that it's any worse than coming in the daytime. But I'm just scared. Really scared.

Our thoughts of this entire pregnancy journey

Before the journey ends, I thought I should have a post on our thoughts on the journey. I asked Chris recently about it and here was his reply:

He said he felt more pressure and felt that everything came at one go. He wished he could settle things one at a time; first the job then the baby, then the house etc. So to him, it feels like everything came altogether. Doesn't sound too positive ):

This is my thoughts:

It has been quite a journey with these keywords: acceptance, overwhelmed, numb preparation, jitters, hindsight gratefulness

Acceptance. Because the pregnancy came at a time when I wanted to leave my job, it's really hard to accept this reality. I even thought I wouldn't be able to carry the baby through my work due to my work nature. I wasn't liking the pace, the heavy job scope and the language used. I had in mind an ideal situation where I would relax at home, read books, listen to music, cultivate a suitable environment for my foetus to grow and develop holistically; not in a working environment with much negativity in me. So, it took me much prayers and lamentation before I accept this news.

Overwhelmed. As I entered the journey, I realised it is sooooo different from that of planning a wedding! In planning a wedding, there are so many tips and advice, and there's a standard template or guide or flow that you can follow. But not so for a pregnancy journey. Information was all over the place and I can't seem to get a good guide on Step 1, do this, Step 2, do this. Or, at xx month, do this, at xx month, do that. I was overwhelmed by the vast amount of information that is available and need to absorb but can't. Things like what you can eat and can't eat (I can't take raw food, soft-boiled eggs, coffee, tea, soft-serve ice cream...sobs), what you can and cannot do etc, things to buy etc. And this leads me to my 3rd keyword...

Numb preparation. I added a word "numb" to describe the preparation because it feels like I'm just going through the motion.
Antenatal package, checked.
Supplements, checked.
Antenatal class, checked.
Post-natal massage lady, checked.
Confinement lady, checked.
Clothes, checked.
Shampoo and soap, checked.
Car seat, checked.
Cot, checked.
It just goes on and on, and it's like checking off a checklist rather than being excited and all coo-ey about each item. I was trying to get the best deals, second-hand deals, and trying to manage the expenses. It feels so task-oriented ):

Jitters. It comes at different stages. Because of the FB group I'm in, and each person's experience is different, I hear lots of stories. First, it was miscarriages. Then it was fibroids. Now, it's induction birth and various birth stories. Hearing the different stories make me scared that it would happen to me too. That's when the jitters come in. Thank God that I didn't have a miscarriage, I didn't have fibroids and the doctor has not suggested induction.

Hindsight gratefulness. As was written in my previous post, the thing I am most thankful for was the hospitalisation leave which gave me 2 months of no-work prior to the maternity leave. I believe that this is God answering my prayer, in a way, of having that bit of ideal, quiet, peaceful and spiritual preparation for baby. I thank God for that. Thank God for Le Jing that came my way again and had agreed to be my prayer partner through my labour. This is probably the most positive keyword to describe my journey. I hope to keep the positivity there even though the start had been rough.

Now, as I rub my tummy, I know that baby is safe and comfortable inside. She has been nice, not kicking me at night. Not sure if it's cos she's small, that's why I can't feel much. But I love her and want to love her and will do anything I can now to nurture her.

I pray for a positive and spiritual encounter with God during my labour itself.

My daily schedule

I wanted to write down my typical daily schedule nowadays:

8.30-9am: Wake up, tell Chris about my dream, say bye bye to him

9-10am: Wash-up & breakfast

10-11am: Quiet time + reading of a Bible passage to baby + reading a Christian book (my favourite time of the day)

11am-1pm: Swim / Nap / Play HP game / Access work email / Get on with my to-do list which can include accounts, reading of baby magazines etc

1-2.30pm: Lunch with either a TV programme (羋月传, Legend of Mi Yue) or a storybook (it feels good reading a book again!)

2.30-4pm: Nap (can't seem to fight off the z-monster every time)

4-4.30pm: Try to get up

4.30-7pm: Drink essence, take supplement, continue reading the Christian book, continue with my to-do list

7-8.30pm: Dinner

Night: Couple time with Chris

Ohhh...I'm so loving this schedule and relaxed time! 

Thank God!

Any time now

It's pretty scary thinking it's anytime now. It's like I can feel the contractions can come any time now. Unknown. No heads up. And I need to observe from then on. 

As I rubbed my tummy, it's a surreal feeling that something, someone, is inside of me, and it's coming out soon. It feels just like yesterday that I was a little girl with all my quirky, naughty, mischievous ways. It feels like yesterday that I had a flat tummy. I never thought I would be able to carry this baby this far. I thought I wouldn't reach this far. I can't believe I'm entering a next stage of life and I will be taking on a new role.

It feels like any time now, I would be in labour, delivering. And I don't know how my delivery will be like. It feels scary and unknown.

Any time now. Even as I feel my tummy hardening.

4 more weeks

Boy! It's already 36 Week 2 Days! That means, it's only 4 weeks before I deliver; before I go into labour, baby Priscilla comes! That is if baby comes out on Week 40. If she comes out earlier, then it'll be less than FOUR weeks! 

How....what does this mean..... it feels scary and nervous too! I don't know how the labour will be like. I wonder how the pain would be and how I would cope with it. Before that, I wonder how the signs will show: will my mucus plug come out all at one go? when? will my water bag burst? where will I be? at home? outside? will Chris be contactable when the time comes?

I do feel quite nervous. In the FB group, there are several mothers who have delivered already and share the baby photo and their delivery experience. Some went through c-section, some delivered naturally. Some told stories of pain relief and some told stories of how the pain would be like. As I read through, it certainly gives me much information that reflects a piece of the puzzle. I wonder what my story would be like. It tells me that I would be going through this one day, ONE DAY. It's inevitable, cannot escape, it will come. I wonder what it would be like.

I love today's reading on the "Praying Through Your Pregnancy" book! It talks about having a spiritual encounter with God. As each contraction comes, the lady was lifted into God's presence. I want that too! I have told God since weeks ago that I want to experience Him in this labour. I want to experience His strength, His presence, His power, His mystery during my labour. That's why I chose no epidural. More importantly, I want to rely on God in this delivery. I prayed again and again. And I want to pray everyday for this prayer request now.

Nonetheless, I am also mentally preparing myself for c-section. I know it's possible and complications can occur which warrants that. So I don't want to dismiss that option. Also, the baby's weight is currently not ideal so I don't know what the doctor would suggest at my next check-up: induction? c-section? In any case, I know that it is part of God's plan.

God's plan.

On hindsight

With all the happenings recently, I begin to see God's hand in the situation and am grateful for it. Here are a list of things I don't see except on hindsight:

1. Shifting to Casa Rosa. Although the shift was rushed and unexpectedly early, but I don't need to climb up and down the stairs anymore. It would certainly create more harm since the baby is low now and not ideal. This, I can only see on hindsight
2. Hospitalisation leave. I have always wanted long leave and though the hospitalisation leave was unexpected and sudden, it had given me 5 weeks of leave. Though I spent 3 weeks working from home, but the remaining 2 weeks was spent more leisurely and I can read more and pray more and sleep in more. I can wake up later and rest in the afternoon as well. I experience less stress, more freedom and can put on weight more easily. I can read more to baby too.

I fell sick twice with flu, cough and sore throat and having this hospitalisation leave covered the rest I needed to recover.

My feet has also swelled badly and I can hardly fit into any of my shoes. I bought a pair of slippers but I'm starting to outgrow that too. So I'm thankful I'm asked to stay home so I don't need to buy a suitable pair of shoes and walk around like a penguin.

I also can't fit my bras nowadays. The cup size doesn't seem to fit. But being home, I don't need to wear my bra and feel more at ease and free. It feels good.

Finally, I did a quick count and I would be having 6 months of leave! 5 weeks of hospitalisation leave, 3 weeks of outpatient leave/MC (intend to) and 4 months of maternity leave! That makes 6 months! Not including the 8 days of Annual Leave that I need to complete this year + 6 days of Childcare Leave! Cool! It is unexpected. 6 months of leave out of my 2-year contract! Plus it's paid leave. In all honesty, it feels quite weird to be paid but not doing work. I don't see the logic in it though. If you talk about normal leave or MC, I understand. But for hospitalisation leave when I'm not injured or in the hospital but just ordered bed rest, I wonder how this is justified. Hmm. In any case, I thank God for the financial providence.

My swollen feet:

UPDATE: 

3. I had just closed my accounts for Aug and realised that God provided for me financially too! As I was on hospitalisation leave, I spent very little on food. God must have known I needed the money to pay some baby items and so, everything that was meant to be spent on food went to the baby items and there was enough! Wow! Thank God!

4. By God's grace, there was a big promotion going on between Grab and Uber during this period of time! They were running promotions like they were rivals to promote the carpooling system. Grab was offering $2 rides to any where any time. Uber was offering $5 rides, limited to 1 ride, from a certain time to certain time. It was quite shiok cos I could take a $5 ride back home instead of the usual $17! Plus, I was still on hospitalisation leave and not supposed to be travelling. But cos I needed to go to some place or just go out on Friday night to get a breather, I would make use of this taxi promotion. It's great! Thank God! :)

One day closer

Found this beautiful picture

I haven't been through many pregnancy but the last phrase speaks to me. As what my mum says, "When you look at the delivery suite, you must think that you are going to see your baby soon; how can you be scared?"

Nonetheless, I'm still feeling scared and I hope to break the fear-tension-pain cycle soon!

Hospitalisation leave

Yes, I was suddenly given hospitalisation leave at my most recent check-up on 25 Jul. 33 days of leave until 26 Aug. The first time ever I was given so much leave! Thankfully, my company gives up to 60 days of hospitalisation leave.

The doctor said that the baby was too low and is afraid that the baby would come out too early. So she asked me to rest more, don't walk around, don't exercise, don't swim all the way until week 36 where it is the safe period; term, as they call it. So there I am, out of work.

I was initially shocked because I had a lot of work to do. There was a lot of projects in Aug, including my own SEC projects. Plus being on leave means I'm not able to support my colleagues' events and they will have to cover me for my own.

So I gave a call to Cheryl first and we were both shocked. Then I called Selene in the late afternoon to clarify further. Thankfully, SAFRA is family/health over work, so I was told to do up a handover list, rest more, and try to work from home till my cover comes in. I suggested going down one day to teach but Selene said I can just skype/Facetime/call instead.

Oh wells. So, for the past 4 days, I have been working from home but it doesn't feel nice either. It really felt like I was still at work and replying many emails and trying to do up some documents. Thank God that it's Day 4 now and things are starting to slow down. I try to do less so that I can sleep more, and perhaps, do more of my personal stuff.

It feels so surreal. I have always wanted to take the last few months before delivery off, or for that matter, to stop working from Week 17 onwards when baby developed hearing. But when it comes, I don't seem to be able to let go. I'm still hung up on work. Maybe cos I need time to handover, maybe because it is too sudden. But I hope to embrace every part of this leave and really enjoy, read, listen to music, pray (most important one) and talk to baby! Hope to do more personal stuffs too! Hehe.

Now, my routine is eat sleep eat sleep. I feel like such a sloth. Sigh.

Meanwhile, I'm praying that the baby will move upwards and not be so low. Praying that I would be able to carry her to term. Finally, praying that baby will put on more weight.

Swollen feet

This is my water retention feet! I've never seen so much flesh around my big toe nail before! Goes to show how much it has changed!

Body changes

When I see young couples dating, it reminds me of my own dating journey. And when I see someone who is as skinny as me previously, it reminds me of myself and wish I could tell myself, "Your body's going to change a lot. Better think twice." Haha.

Yar, the body changes are a lot and sometimes too overwhelming for me to absorb. I've never been fat, never hit past 40kg, never had a BMI above 20 and all these are happening to me now! So much changes and doesn't look nice. Oh wells.

Anyway, I'm trying to embrace it and so, here's a nice beautiful photo of 28W6D! Don't say mummy didn't bring you to the top of the world to see Singapore!

Swelling

Week 28.

I'm starting to swell up and get water retention. It feels quite bad. My shoes are getting tighter. My fingers look swollen. My big toe looks bigger; there is flesh around my toenail! My face looks bigger too.

Everything is starting to change. Uh-oh. I thought I wouldn't get it.

I've changed my ring too. I had a lot of difficulty taking out the wedding band yesterday. So I decided to wear it as a necklace and whip out my... Tiffiany & Co diamond engagement ring! And it fits so well on my ring finger! Yay! Glad to wear it again! Making it more worth it! Haha.

On another note, after 5 months of small appetite, I'm glad I'm eating a lot more now. I even feel hungry or not full after a complete meal! Yay! But honestly, I don't feel like spending so much money on food; it's expensive... Especially when I eat out. Sigh. Gotta rework my budget; I guess. And consciously eat more

#dressthebump

Had to attend a gala dinner last night and saw this dress going cheap over the weekend. It looks lovely, seems to fit well and just the right length! So I bought it for $15! And wore it last night! 

Glad I could fit in it and really looks like one of the best dress for #dressthebump! Glad I wore that too because everyone was in long dresses and evening gowns!

Just keep swimming

First dip in the pool after pregnancy! Start of a great exercise that I hope will help in labour! Looking great and glad I could still fit in the swimming costume!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming~~

21 may

Loving movies?

Yesterday, Chris and I watched Jungle Book in the cinemas. Barely had I sat down, baby started kicking and turning. Can totally feel it. So I asked Chris to put his hand there to feel it and he did! :) twice! Glad he could feel it finally!

Really interesting how baby kicks more frequently when I enter the cinema and throughout the show. Wonder if it means baby likes watching movie too? Or is wondering what is the darkness? Haha.

Babymoon in Hong Kong

Chris and I just went for a babymoon in Hong Kong from 29 Apr to 2 May 2016!

In case you don't know, babymoon is the term for a holiday before the baby pops! Haha. It's the in-thing now though I must admit that it is not easy on the wallet.

Chris said to take the midnight flight and boy! I certainly regret it cos it's my first time taking it and I was really exhausted upon touching down. Thank God for dad's priority pass card that allows us to chill in the lounge prior to the flight and get some rest. And who can complain about Changi Airport that still looks so bright at 12 midnight!

I also thank God that we were able to get the room early at 10.30am even though they told us to come back at 2pm! Just decided to try our luck after walking many many many streets from 7.30am onwards! Too tiring for me. My legs almost broke! So was my left shoulder. The ache became worse as I already had it prior to that. So, I went to sleep in the room while Chris went back to those streets to continue his shopping that only opened after 1pm.

Thank God there was a HK cafe nearby the hotel to grab food whenever necessary, as well as the 7-11 to get water!

Through this trip, I began to see how pregnancy takes a toll on my stamina! I get tired easily and can't walk much and as long as I used to be. There were many attraction sites to see and we almost gave ladies market a miss cos I was too tired. Oh wells.

My dressing throughout the trip was in dress and boy did I regret! The temperature was low and with the wind, my legs became very cold! Especially at The Peak! The wind was incredibly strong and it was incredibly cold! Brr! But at least Chris enjoyed it.

One thing I told myself to do and asked Chris to do is to take a full-body photo of myself at certain places. I wanted a memory of me and my bump! And I intentionally didn't wear too loose a clothes. Hehe. My favourite and most-commented on FB is this photo:

Hope it serves as a good memory :)

My quote for the journey

It is in the unknown progression that you put your faith in God.

Unlike preparing for a wedding where there's known and seen progression, this one is really unknown, unseen and in many ways, unprepared. There's progression, no doubt, but the progression is unknown.

My own human instinct will be apprehension and fear; trying to search for as much information as possible to make myself as prepared as possible..to know everything that is and would come. But there really isn't enough preparation that could be done and each experience is different from each other.

There's nothing quite like it to prepare you to 90% so all I could do is to have faith and to trust in God.

Quickening

I have been feeling quickening the past week! On week 16! It felt like muscle twitching but I want to believe that it's baby moving around inside! Haha. It feels good but when I put my hand there, it stops. Haha. Guess I'll just wait till more obvious can be felt then!

Weight gain?

Oh no! I had just realised that I haven't gained any weight for 2 weeks since my last appointment! Still at 42.0kg! Oh no! Doesn't seem like the baby gained weight. How? Looks like I must eat more or eat more healthily!

Today, I read that a mother in the FB group lost her baby due to miscarriage. The water bag burst ): So sad. It can even happen at this stage. Sigh. I pray for God's protection over me.

Last week, a colleague from the membership department committed suicide at the block opposite my office. Apparently, she came to work in the morning, was nowhere to be found thereafter, the supervisor was frantically looking for her, and the next thing they knew, they were told there was police and ambulance in the block opposite the office. The director was asked to identify the body ): Was informed that she just came back from maternity leave, baby's 5 months old, and it's suspected that it's post-natal depression that led to the suicide.

So saddddd....so post-natal depression is soooo real. Sigh. I pray that God will protect me again from such extreme depression. Was telling Wanting the other day that she must come to visit me so that I won't get depression.

Praying praying.
So many things to pray for.
This world is pretty fallen.
We live in a dark world.
Sigh.
Really need God's protection.
And I need God's eyes to help me see beyond the darkness of this world to the positivity of this world.
There must be something hopeful and positive here despite our sin.
There must be something here while we await our transition to the perfect world.
There must be something.
Please help me to see.

Announcing you to the world (through fb)

Tonight, on 2 April, 8.25pm, daddy & I announced you to our friends on FB with these announcements photos!

I think daddy's one is cute and very representative of him! 

Mummy's announcement:

In God's perfect time, He made you who you are

Daddy's announcement:

Guess I'm not alone now

Babywearing workshop

Today, Chris and I went to a free babywearing workshop/talk organised by NLB as part of a Parenting Talk Series! It was great and we had a lot of fun! 

It was good learning of the different types of carrier, the cloth kinds, with a live demo with dummy babies! The wraps and curves and areas to tighten brought me a look of confusion throughout the demo. But it was good learning and knowledge gaining anyway.

They had also shared the optimal position and angle to carry the baby that would be good for development. I'm especially grateful for the hands-on that was available and the two trainers who were there to correct us after our try-out! It sure wasn't easy doing it! And we have narrowed down to the ring sling if we were not using the buckle/soft carrier kind.

This is Chris trying it out! *he forgot to take a photo of my try-out! :(*

Another note about the dummy babies...there's a weight on it!! I felt so surprised and it's really quite heavy! And when I look down, the dummy baby was smiling at me! Freaky! Haha.

All in all, I'm thankful that NLB organized this and I'm glad Chris came along with me! It's all about learning!

I'm looking forward to the day I wear you, baby! Hope you would be comfortable and that you won't fall off! Hehe! Be patient with us too! :)

100 days old

Dear baby,

Today, you are 100 days old from the day of conception! YAY!

It's quite unbelievable and the past 100 days has been ups and downs for me. For starters, I thank God that I did not suffer what many others have--morning sickness. I thank God that the hormones that are produced for you did not cause these symptoms for me. But I certainly hope there was enough hormones for your growth!

However, I did have a bit of mood swing especially at the start where I got a bit snappy. Then I got depressed (ok, not very very bad but I would cry and think negatively). Yet again, I thank God that He has seen me through and helped me through each challenge and situation I faced. Thank God for books and prayers of daddy too. Thank God for support from friends and cousin Janice and sister-in-law.

Thank God for helping me through all the consultations and visit to the gynae. Even today's blood test too! Though the after-effects was painful. Today, you are 9cm long! That's the size of my 5 fingers of my left hand combined with my index finger of my right hand! You sure are growing fast. I can see your head clearly, proportionately. Your arms and legs too. The doctor said that your leg was outstretched today. I saw your two tiny feet too as we tried to scan for your gender with 60% accuracy. I saw your feet moved, open and close, and you had even crossed your legs!

Well, so here's to another 180 days to the day I see you! I hope you are looking forward to see me too. Though this world is a fallen world where there's sin and darkness, may you find love and Jesus through us and the family. May you find Jesus and know Him; take refuge in Him and let Him be your guiding light.

Here's a verse for you that I read today.

Psalm 31:3
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

Things to do together

Here's a list of things to do together whenever, wherever, just you and me (and maybe with daddy):

1. Jigsaw puzzles

2. Read books

3. Read the Bible

4. Sing and dance 

5. Play the piano

6. Draw, colour, paint, art & craft stuffs

Psalms

I have decided to read Psalms out loud throughout this pregnancy! Let's see how long I'll last. Hahaha.

Anyway, I just read from Ps 1-5 and thought of writing out a few verses that strike me. Didn't know about it..

Ps 2:11

Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling.

Ps 3:3-5

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

Ps 4:1

Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

Ps 4:4

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent.

Ps 4:8

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Ps 5:3

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Bruise

I had almost fell a few days ago ):

I couldn't control and swallow my supplement properly and so I started vomitting. Had to rush to the toilet and in the process, I slipped on my own vomit, and knocked both of my knees against the toilet bowl. Ouch!

I didn't know the knock was so hard and so bad that it was very bruised the next few days! Shocked. I had never had such bad bruise before! Ha! Thank God still that I did not fall on my back!

It was quite a mess and Chris helped me clean up the toilet. But he was like doing it unhappily though ): and scolded me at one time too. I guess he didn't mean it. And still, I'm thankful that he helped. It was almost everywhere and he washed almost everywhere. The toilet started to stink too. In the end, only the maid's washing the next day helped remove the stench. I think detergent must be used, that's why.

Hormones?

It's coming to the end of my 1st trimester already! Yay!

Throughout the past 3 months, I had never experienced serious morning sickness nor constipation. I read that these occur due to the changes and production hormones that are part of the pregnancy. And so, I started to wonder yesterday if me not experiencing these symptoms meant that I am not producing enough hormones for the baby? Is it dangerous then? Any cause of concerns? Oh dear...I feel like asking the doctor. And certainly hope it's not a negative effect!

On a separate note, I joined this FB group where those delivering in Aug/Sept are inside. It's a secret group where articles and questions are shared, and answers and opinions are given. It's great cos it's like a big support group where everyone is about the same pregnancy week as you! Many of them doesn't seem like first-time mothers. And many of them are older than me...seems like the are close to mid-thirties. While I like the openness and sharing of common symptoms and miscomfort we face, there are some things they say and do that sometimes worry me and not on the same page as me.

For starters, a few of them said that their doctor found fibroid in their uterus. This got me worried and wondered if I have them too. I had to ask my gynae to check at the next appointment.

Next, there were some of them who suffered miscarriages. Felt sad and makes me wonder at the risk, reality and if it would happen to me too.

Finally, many of them take the Down Syndrome test and some came back with negative results. Granted that they are older and have a higher risk, and rightfully should go for the test, but I was surprised that there are many many of them who do so! Is it really that common? And they said it as a matter-of-fact, and they don't even discuss the consequences or after-effects after knowing the test result. Well, I guess the test results just shows you the odds and ratio, it really doesn't give a definite "yes" or "no" to whether the kid has Down Syndrome. I guess, that's a good thing bah.

In any case, pros and cons of joining this group. Wonder how it'll turn out...

Visit to the gynae

Hmm, I don't know why but everytime I visit the gynae, I get very nervous as the waiting time increases. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of what the scan would reveal, or what the doctor will say. I'm afraid it's something I would not want to hear. Or....I'm not sure if it's because of all the previous times I had visit the doctor, it's always not been good. Especially the regular visit to HPB for my back, the first thing that I would look at when I entered the room is the x-ray scan and I would try to interpret it myself.

I don't really like this heart-pounding, nervous feeling. Pray that it'll go away soon.

My secret to taking supplements

Pssss...I've just found a secret to taking supplements for myself! It lies in CHOCOLATE MILK!

Especially Magnolia's one! It's very thick and so, when I put the supplement in my mouth, together with the chocolate milk, I can't feel the supplement and I can push it down easily to my throat! Besides, who can resist chocolate milk! It's so tasty! Yummy!

There's also this amazing and swift pill cutter!

It cuts the pills so well into half! Now, I don't need to use scissors and my strength to do so. And it would always (or near always) be neatly cut into half! Yay! Makes the swallowing easier.

And of course, I have learnt to say a prayer everytime before I take the supplement. Whether it's a short one or to thank God for supplements (yes, hard as it may seem, but I still have to thank God), I pray before starting on them and ask God to help me swallow them. Learning to rely on Him in prayer even in the small things!

Beauty

Hubby just said this,

 

"There is beauty in this. Two lives creating one"

 

 

The Prayer List

Time to get on our knees and pray!

We've finally came out with the prayer list for baby! Yay!

In no particular order yet, here it is!

• Salvation
• Physical growth and development
• Purity
• Grow in the Lord
• Wisdom 
• Obedience
• Serving/Service
• Evangelism
• Physical health
• Career
• Future partner
• Future family
• Physical safety
• Good relationships
• Well-mannered
• Fruits of the Spirit
• Thankful attitude
• Prayerful spirit
• Prudence/financial wisdom
• Spiritual protection
• Creativity
• Compassionate
• Media influence
• Grace & truth
• Anger management issues
• Independence
• Addictions 
• Greediness
• Prideful/Humility
• Worshipful
• Teachable 
• Live out God's Will

Tiny hands and tiny feet

Today, Melvin and Shuying brought their new baby girl to a CNY crusade gathering. The baby's slightly more than 1 month and it was so sweet seeing her! Her hands and feet are so tiny! So is every other feature on her face! It's pretty amazing! They don't stay tiny for long and so it's a rare moment to capture when you can see them this young!

Melvin was letting everyone carry her, even the guys who were scared and usually don't do so.

Brought me thinking: I can't wait to show to you to the world either. And show the world to you!

I pray that you'll see this:

• God's beautiful creation in both nature and mankind
• The fallen world in all its ugliness, immorality and sorrow
• But be reminded and accept the Saviour of the world as the one who liberates us all one day
• Know there is eternity in heaven, a much more beautiful place

I know this world isn't the best, isn't the perfect one. But there is still beauty, goodness, friendships and genuine love. May you experience this as you live your life here on earth. Let the world see you! In 40 - 8 = 32 weeks time!

Talking and writing

Just as how we should talk to God every day through small prayers, may I also write small journal entries :)

The FIRST Entry

How this got started
My manager was speaking to me today about whether I journal of this pregnancy journey. I did think of doing so but I realised that when I start writing (like literally hand-writing it down), I tend to write a lot. And after a while, I would feel like typing.

Since blogger is now on mobile, I figured why not return back to blogging and typing out my thoughts and journey? Whether is it from the laptop or on my phone, it would be convenient and at least I'll have an avenue for journaling my thoughts and journey.

Why journal?
Since the start of my pregnancy, I have not been feeling the most positive or elated. This pregnancy came very early; earlier than expected and I wasn't mentally or spiritually or even financially prepared for it. What's worse is that I did the test on the day when I wanted to hand in my resignation letter and leaving the job without another job. I was up to my limit at work already and when I saw the test result, it just stopped me in my tracks. And till now, I am still stuck at work with a not-so-pleasant work attitude. I feel trapped. Trapped that I'm in this job cos of the baby. 

I guess that's where all the negativity comes in. I have cried 2 times thus far: once when I first threw up before dinner, and felt so lonely when eating dinner alone. I just felt a lot of suffering and I felt it unnecessary. Second was last night when, after visiting the delivery suite in Mt Alvernia, I got so frightened, fearful and unprepared that I just burst out in tears. I suspect I have mild pre-natal depression but my sister told me not to tell the gynae cos the medication prescribed may not be good for the baby. There's truth in it. Nonetheless, crying helps release a lot of emotions and loosens up the tension within me. I'm feeling better now. I think journaling will help me too.

I have also just text Geraldine about the recent happenings and am glad that she listens and gave me some advice and will also be praying for me. I'm glad I have an accountability partner and someone I can share with; someone who had been through it and though may not know in full the extent of my negativity, at least, is someone who has not and will not condemn.

My thoughts for now--Prayers
When I started to be aware of the negativity, I really wanted it out of my life and mind. I know that the only way is through prayer and reading God's Word. But I want more than just the Bible, I need some guidance and help. I started searching for "praying through pregnancy" and viola! I found a book written by Jennifer Polimino! Actually, I have browsed through that book previously and I thought it's really good. But cos I was just married (or haven't gotten married yet), I just put down the book and noted to myself to consider buying it next time when I'm planning for a child. Looks like this book might just come in handy! Hoping to buy it tomorrow and start reading although I'm 7 weeks late!

I have also started saying a short and dependent prayer before taking my supplements. The pills are really hard to swallow and it's quite big. It's a psychological barrier as well. But I want to depend on God and depend on prayer to help me get through every single pill that I have to take for the next 7 months and more. Every little prayer helps.

I also thought of coming out with a prayer list for the next 33 weeks to pray for the baby. Thought of doing it together so that we would be intentional in our prayer. For example, media protection, fruits of the Spirit, future partner, purity, physical development and health etc. I wonder if Chris would be into this with me. Else, it'll just me and me only.

Prayer requests
I pray that God will turn my eyes towards Him throughout this journey and I would receive fresh insights and a more positive spirit through this pregnancy. I certainly don't want to pass on the negativity to the baby.

I want to be more prayer-dependent.

I want to have more faith.